My Partner is Out of My League - How to Improve Self Esteem

My Partner is Out of My League - How to Improve Self Esteem

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Expert Author Susan Leigh
When we are first attracted to someone there are many exciting components to that dynamic. The sexual attraction is clearly a major part, and that can override any other factors that we may need to consider at a later stage if the attraction evolves into a relationship. Gradually, as times passes we may become increasingly aware of certain disparities between us. They may have always been evident, but now they are becoming something of an issue to us, to our partner or to friends and family. How do we maintain our self esteem in this situation and trust the relationship and each other enough for it to remain a valid and valuable part of both our lives?
We may appreciate that our partner is wealthier, better educated, more intellectual, more attractive than we are, and that may well have been fine initially, indeed part of the attraction for both people. As the relationship becomes more serious there may be aspects of this that need to be discussed. Keeping channels of communication open is an important part of building any relationship. There are always going to be areas that need to be discussed, ironed out, understood. Over time our confidence may have begun to be eroded as either we or others started to highlight the differences between us. Open and honest communication is the key to getting through this situation as a couple. This can help the relationship grow and become a stronger, more integral part of our life.
- Looks and physical attractiveness. Age can be be a factor here too. Older men often appear sophisticated, debonair, financially secure, experienced. They often have the manners and style to treat a partner well. Younger women are often seen to be an attractive addition to the older male ego. Stylish older women are also being feted as attractive, confident, sexy and sought after by younger men. With older women a consideration may be the ability or desire to have children with a new partner. But as people take better care of themselves with the many options available to them, the ability to stay fit and attractive later in life is improving peoples attractiveness and physical health.
- Financial means. If one person has significantly more disposable income than the other some degree of sensitivity is required to enable both people to feel comfortable with the situation. Sometimes one person may be happy to be lavished with gifts and an expensive lifestyle. Other people feel uneasy about the situation and prefer to be able to match their partner at least in some small way. Some ideas may be for the wealthier person to pay for an expensive dinner or weekend away, whilst the other person cooks a meal at home sometimes or pays for the liqueurs at the end of the meal. Both people are able to feel comfortable knowing that they are both contributing to a pleasant time. Another compromise is choosing outings to free or less expensive venues on occasion.
- Status. If one person has a high powered job or way of life then their partner may feel a little out of their depth. Good manners are about being respectful of how each other feels, so a little empathy or understanding can go a long way. Both parties will at times have stresses that they want to share with a sympathetic listener. Communications are an important part of being comfortable, being able to explain how we feel, being listened to. Also, feeling supported by staying together for a time, at least at the first meetings of friends, colleagues or family can help when attending these potentially daunting events.
- Education. Intellectual discrepancies can be interesting. Someone who has a very demanding job can often enjoy the relaxation and easy company of someone who is not as challenging intellectually. It can be refreshing and comfortable to be with someone who is not involved or as interested in the 'important' aspects of a high-powered career. Sometimes it can be family or friends who try to make the partner feel inadequate or unintelligent. But fun, relaxing company can be a wonderful stress-free alternative to a busy, demanding business life or career.

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